Death

Death is the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to me , why am i not able to brace it? why is it that i don't have the courage to be bold and librety my self from my miserable life , why am i clinging on, i know there is no light at the end of tunnel ..but still why am i holding on..i  have always been with people who are sad becuz they never knew what it is to live life , they thought their living was the best , may be ....

Dawn to Dusk

Every Dawn i sit by window and the day passing by ,, during the day i see people moving about some in their vehicles , some on their bikes , some walking by  it seems like they all have a place to reach and arrive  some task they all have to fulfill by the day and get back to their abode to rest the day ..watching them  makes  me feel if i do have a purpose to achieve , i think  n think  , i think hard to trace a small tiny ray of hope that i can call it a purpose but i find none, then i try to divert my thoughts by watching old British comedies  on internet  after spending couple hours with eyes  watering with pain  I once again go back to the window and watch the world passing by.. i sit there doing nothing ,feel like am tied to a chair with invisible strings that are hard to break for i cannot see them ,feeling helpless trying to be brave  wanting to run off , far far  far far far away where no one knows me , who i am ,wats my name ..I just want to vanish some place ,dont know why cann't i.. why am i such a coward, what am i afraid of , what am i clinging to , i have nothing  attached to me but still why am i not able to break the shackles why cannt i break free , i need some answers but   i have no one to question , empty spaces ... far away i see houses turned in to homes by  people who reside in them , then i look inside , i see  HOUSE with furniture , modern gadgets but no one to talk to , nothing to make it home ....what have i got myself into ..is this the kind of life i wanted ? is this what i really want it to ... i pray hard to give me courage to break free from the bondage of my mind, i  pray for courage to detach myself my the desires of my heart that wants me to be happy like others, i know i cannot because there is no purpose to me existence, no objective to achieve no goal to attain.

from dawn to dusk ,,day on day i just keep doing this..i have started to feel as if i have been  captivated by the bonds of my mind which keeps instilling the fear of dying a lonely death .